| The Laws of Cartoon Thermodynamics are physical laws in the cartoon
universe identified by Trevor
Paquette and Lt. Justin
D. Baldwin and popularized by film critic Roger Ebert
Cartoon Law I
Any body suspended in space will remain in space until made aware of its situation. Daffy Duck steps off a cliff, expecting
further pastureland. He loiters in midair, soliloquizing flippantly, until he chances to look down. At this point, the familiar
principle of 32 feet per second per second takes over.
Cartoon Law II
Any body in motion will tend to remain in motion until solid matter intervenes suddenly. Whether shot from a cannon or in hot
pursuit on foot, cartoon characters are so absolute in their momentum that only a telephone pole or an outsize boulder retards
their forward motion absolutely. Sir Isaac Newton called this sudden termination of motion the stooge's surcease.
Cartoon Law III
Any body passing through solid matter will leave a perforation conforming to its perimeter. Also called the silhouette of
passage, this phenomenon is the speciality of victims of directed-pressure explosions and of reckless cowards who are so eager to
escape that they exit directly through the wall of a house, leaving a cookie-cutout-perfect hole. The threat of skunks or
matrimony often catalyzes this reaction.
Cartoon Law IV
The time required for an object to fall twenty stories is greater than or equal to the time it takes for whoever knocked it
off the ledge to spiral down twenty flights to attempt to capture it unbroken. Such an object is inevitably priceless, the
attempt to capture it inevitably unsuccessful.
Cartoon Law V
All principles of gravity are negated by fear. Psychic forces are sufficient in most bodies for a shock to propel them
directly away from the earth's surface. A spooky noise or an adversary's signature sound will induce motion upward, usually to
the cradle of a chandelier, a treetop, or the crest of a flagpole. The feet of a character who is running or the wheels of a
speeding auto need never touch the ground, especially when in flight.
Cartoon Law VI
As speed increases, objects can be in several places at once. This is particularly true of tooth-and-claw fights, in which a
character's head may be glimpsed emerging from the cloud of altercation at several places simultaneously. This effect is common
as well among bodies that are spinning or being throttled. A `wacky' character has the option of self-replication only at manic
high speeds and may ricochet off walls to achieve the velocity required.
Cartoon Law VII
Certain bodies can pass through solid walls painted to resemble tunnel entrances; others cannot. This trompe l'oeil
inconsistency has baffled generations, but at least it is known that whoever paints an entrance on a wall's surface to trick an
opponent will be unable to pursue him into this theoretical space. The painter is flattened against the wall when he attempts to
follow into the painting. This is ultimately a problem of art, not of science.
Cartoon Law VIII
Any violent rearrangement of feline matter is impermanent. Cartoon cats possess even more deaths than the traditional nine
lives might comfortably afford. They can be decimated, spliced, splayed, accordion-pleated, spindled, or disassembled, but they
cannot be destroyed. After a few moments of blinking self pity, they reinflate, elongate, snap back, or solidify. Corollary: A
cat will assume the shape of its container.
Cartoon Law IX
Everything falls faster than an anvil.
Cartoon Law X
Guns, no matter how powerful, or no matter where aimed, will do nothing more than char flesh, blow away feathers, or rearrange
beaks.
Cartoon Law XI
Any given amount of explosives will propel a body miles away, but still in one piece, charred and extremely peeved.
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